I rang BBB twice this week on our landline number and there was no answer. Highly unusual. So I rang him on his mobile. He said he was after moving out of our house.
The minute he said it, my heart got all cloudy and sad. I was imagining our little red phone ringing in our deserted room, with noone to answer it but the ghosts of two years of my life. I had a Ghost of Pavia Past moment where I imagined myself standing to the side, watching some happy scenes of the time I spent there, doing midnight ninja stealth farts on BBB's leg, introducing pancakes into his life, laughing at my own blog, and so on.
Why am I so affected by it, like? I suppose now it's official that my second life is no more. You see, before, I had two lives; my life in Ireland and then my life in Pavia. The thing about moving to a different country where noone knows you or even speaks your language is that you can be who you truly are, unrestrained by the more often than not cringeworthy dirt that your friends and family have on you. The time you told your friend that she was a baby at her birthday party when you were 7, the time you went down the bogs on rollerskates with your best friend and laughed so much you pissed yourself when you were 10, that unfortunate grunge phase you went through as a teenager, and all the subsequent hearts you (accidentally) broke when you finally came into your own - all these things just melt away and it's who you are now that matters. Anyway, that's fucked out the window now. I don't have my little safe place to go and run away to any more. Well I mean I can always go to BBB's new house but shur that's not the same - the shower head doesn't even spray directly into the toilet! What kind of an establishment is that?! I don't mean that I want to back down that road, it's just nice to know that it's there, this parallel universe that I can escape to if ever everything goes tits up.
I'm really happy now in Dublin and I have that good feeling you get when you know you're in a good place. But, goddammit - I miss that bidet!
Bidet to you all.
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