Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Week Fifteen

Oh no. The cracks are starting to show.

Monday 11th Jan

We were just finished eating our dinner and I said "I'm still hungry" and BBB goes,

"How come you're always hungry these days? Are you stressed?"

"No not really," I says.

"Are you pregnant then haha" he says.

So I stuck out my belly and I said

"What would you do if I said yes?"

And he looked my straight in the eye and says as cool as a breeze

"I would kill myself".

Oh. Right then.

"Ah Jaysus girl I don't know - imagine! haha etc" would have been the appropriate response.

I would probably have been less hurt if he had taken off his shoe and beaten me about the face with it. I felt like he had actually reached over and slapped me in the face. The thought of having a baby fills me with dread alright but fuckin hell! There's a response!

That was a pivotal moment there when he said that. I think we can pinpoint that as the exact nanosecond that this week started spiralling downward at speed.

Tuesday 12th Jan

We said we'd go out for aperitivo tonight. That basically means you go to a bar and buy a €6 cocktail and then you can buffet for free until you have to be stretchered out the door. So I was throwing on my ensemble and he came into my room just as I was reaching for my coat. And the next thing, the next thing, he goes:

"Don't you have any other coat?"

No I didn't actually because I had to leave my other coat in Ireland cos it wouldn't fit in my suitcase but that is besides the point.

"Nah, left it at home" I said, zipping my coat up, mistaking it for a general question.

"I don't really like that coat on you" he goes.

Eh, what was that?

Seriously? I mean, really? This coming from Mr. Bomber Jacket of the Year 2010.

"I prefer form-fitting coats" he helpfully adds.

Form fitting? Form fitting? Like that black abomination you wear to college? Like that one, is it? (see Bomber Jacket of the Year comment above). Of course now that is what I was thinking but I would never say it. I think he is lovely no matter what he wears. Even that coat that makes my eyes squirt blood.

"Why did you say that?" I said. I was actually curious as to why anyone would say such a thing. After he made sure I had no other coat like.

"I was just giving you my opinion," he goes.

"Right", says I.

We were on our way into town then and there was a definite... atmosphere. I wasn't pissed off, I wouldn't say. I was definitely feeling an emotion though. I think it was part hurt feelings and part something else that I can't quite put my finger on, but whatever it was it was giving me a pain in my stomach.

"Ah now you're all pissed off", he goes.

"Not pissed off, no, but you're after hurtin my feelings now."

"Jesus you're so touchy", he said, touchily.

Well if I wasn't pissed off before I was rightly pissed off then! I should have kicked him in the face the minute he said the coat thing to me, but instead I relayed the information to the rational part of my brain for further analysis, and here he is calling me touchy.

Touchy? I'll fucking touchy him in the gonads with my fucking foot. Is that touchy enough for you?

And we were walking towards the bar then in stony silence. I was thinking "Oh shit, I've made a terrible mistake picking him," and he was (most likely) thinking "I love form fitting bomber jackets".

He gave me the sideways eye then and I said fuck it, I'll throw him a bone (cos he certainly won't be throwin me one later after that comment):

"Look everything is alright," I said, "we are only having a disagreement. So take the face off ya."

"Kiss me, woman."

And all was forgiven.

Wednesday 13th Jan

Usually I wake up 47 times during the night and I have a little perv on BBB sleeping and then I stealthily pull the pillow over another bit towards my head. But every time I woke up last night he was awake too, caressing me lovingly. Jesus how annoying. I'm trying to rob a bit of pillow here!

Anyway I fell asleep and was having a lovely dream about breaking into a cake shop and eating all the cakes and I was just stuffing my face with an apple and custard tart when the alarm went off. I woke up to find myself in a pool of my own drool. Worth it, them dreams are great. Second only to the ones in the yoghurt aisle in the supermarket. I LOVE yoghurts.

Went to turn on my computer but it wouldn't turn on. I thought maybe the charger was fucked, so BBB brought me down to the computer shop and the girl tried another charger. It didn't work. After numerous tests she gave her diagnosis:

"It's broken".

Goway, is it? Fair play to you girl, you are a fucking genius.

So now my laptop is fucked so I am without computer until I save up enough to get a new one. I had my last one for 4 years though, which is a long time to have a computer, in fairness. It served me well. I'll get one at Easter when I come home. Thank God I live with BBB and can use his computer whenever I need to, otherwise I'd be up the Swanny.

Thursday 14th Jan

I made BBB a scarf for Christmas. Now as Jeremy said the other day, you should never knit something for someone who isn't a knitter themselves. He was so right. I spent WEEKS knitting this gorgeous scarf for BBB, never mind that I went to Dublin to get the wool for it and when I gave it to him he said "I thought it would be more green". Oh. Ok then.

Then he gave it the token one wear before puttin it out to pasture on the coat hook. I am considering stealing it back. It is spectacular like! I mean I spent weeks planning it out and choosing the right wool and I was thinking of him with every stitch so basically it's all full of good vibes and loveliness as it languishes on the coat hook in his room, where it is no good to anyone! And I wouldn't mind but I have not one single thing that I knitted for myself. Everything I knit I give it as a present. And I know it is so my fault. I put myself out there just to get crushed. I mean if someone knit me something or even made me anything at all, I would be so touched like. Even if someone knitted me a leopardskin nosewarmer I would wear it until it was threadbare.

I guess I have been somewhat spoiled by Stewy's neverending admiration and gratitude for my knitting skills. I learned to knit just to make him a scarf. Which is full of mistakes and quare bits but he still wears it with pride. And his ear flap hat with ridiculously large pompom. And his multicoloured mittens. All horrifically mismatched but he wore them all with a big smug "look what my girlfriend made me" look on his face, even though he looked a bit like a "shur god love him" in them. I also miss his pride in my astounding baking and dinner skills.

Over here though I just don't know. I have been spoiled by an adoring man for too long! Without my oven and baked goods and knitting and sewing and crafts and Glen Miller and Benny Goodman I feel like I am missing a huge chunk of my identity. Who the fuck am I, like? I'll just have to flounder on. And think of a way to steal that scarf back. I want it, goddammit!

Friday 15th Jan

Went back to training tonight. I was really looking forward to the run but at the same time I knew I was going to be pathetic the first night back. WRONG. I took off running and I swear lads, I was like a fucking gazelle. So elegant. Regal, almost.I couldn't believe it! Then I realised, that in Ireland I was huffin and puffin and strugglin away on my morning runs, but that was because it was up a hill, but now that I'm on the flat again I can really see how I've improved.

Myself and BBB said we'd get a pizza when I came back from training and by the time I was finished I was starving. So I told him to run down to the pizzeria , that I was on my way home. 5 minutes later my phone beeped.

"They are closed since 10 o' clock"

Now lads, did ye ever want to kill yerself? Cos I did, a small bit.

Had pasta instead. Dramatic sigh.

Saturday 16th Jan

Saturday the internet was down all day so I just studied until it came back on and I could send the emails I was waiting to send. Then that night BBB went out, but I stayed at home cos I wanted some Jennie time (ie I wanted to slather myself in Johnson's Holiday Skin). So I had a bit of a spa night in and put at least 14 inches of Johnson's on me. I haven't used this in a while, so I forgot how rotten it smells. I was in bed reading my book and stinking to high heaven when BBB came home. He was telling me about his night etc and all I was thinking was "Don't smell it, don't smell it". The next thing he climbs into the bed next to me and was cuddling into me, still talking away and then he just stopped talking. And sniffed my shoulder.

"What the fuck is that smell?"

Oh. Shit.

"It's body lotion alright, Jesus!"


"What kind of body lotion?"

"I'm too morto to tell you, sorry"

"Come on come on come on"

"It's to make me brown alright? Are you happy now?"

"Bwah ha ha ha ha ah love you are trying to achieve the impossible."

"Night now. Hope you choke in your sleep."

Sunday 17th Jan

While lurking around the blogosphere I came across something very interesting that bloggers are being urged to get out there.

We all know about the earthquake in Haiti. Lads, imagine. The horror. Imagine now being over there sittin at home havin a chat and the next thing you wake up next to the dead body of your Mammy or sister and you can't find anyone you know and the whole house is gone. Or worse, if you had a new baby or even a small child, shur how would you look after them? All your stuff is gone, no bottles, no cribs, no nappies, no clothes.

I just read this morning that a nurse had to perform an amputation on a small child without anaesthetic. The whole situation is turning nasty, people are looting and there is chaos all over the shop, and why wouldn't there be? It's like the end of the world over there. I don't know how you'd get over it.

Anyway the whole point is that there is a great organisation that is doing great things. Have a look at the website at the very least and if you can, give a few bob. I know we are all financially fucked at the moment but imagine how fucked you'd be if you had no house and a one year old to look after. And daddies and brothers with serious injuries and husbands gone missing and bodies everywhere. It doesn't bear thinking about.

So if you can, put your hand in your pocket, and if you can't, then spread the word. Post the link on your facebook or somesuch.

And then ring your Mammy/Daddy/ brother/sister/best friend/hamster and tell 'em you love 'em.

Just in case like.

Me nerves!


Rosie said...

Not pissed off, no, but you're after hurtin my feelings now.

you're a patient lady, Jenny, fair play. he's probably just looking for attention because he missed you while you were away. i had a labrador a bit like that (she'd piss on the carpet whenever i came home after an absence of more than a few days).

Jennikybooky said...

You're right Rosie, I think it's time I rubbed his nose in his own piss! All is well now though, we're back in the love bubble. I am enjoying the love bubble you are in too. Melt!

jac said...

jennie you'll have to tell me about the love bubble cos at the moment i am NOT happy with BBB. sorry now, how dare he say anything about your lovely coat and question your style. feck off you you're only a child, a man child, what would you know about the stylings of a glamourpuss like our jen. has a bit of teen angst methinks.

right rant over.

Rosie said...

there's only one thing for it. post a photo of the coat, and if it really is cack on you, we'll let him be.

Hazel said...

question 1: what coat was it you were wearing?
question 2: I'll have the scarf please. if he knew how much the wool cost ya!
question 3: why didnt you bring me to that all you can eat place?

I agree with Rosie, nose in piss situation.
p.s. bummer about the pizza

Jennikybooky said...

Haha Jac girl! The poor child shur he hasn't a notion. I loves him though. I will say he came off bad in this post, but in real life he is a good boy and makes me my lunch and dinner every day. And I ain't arguing with that!

Rosie the coat is up! Bask in its splendour!

Hazel - 1. My warm winter coat.
2. You might just be gettin it for your birthday.
3. You wouldn't have liked it.

Niamh said...

Why why WHY when you are pale can people not just fucking deal with it?! I remember going to Greece with my cousin and all the stupid swarthy Greeks kept saying, "Why are you so white? Have you not been in the sun?". Thanks Nikos, it might have something to do with the fact that it's my first sun holiday EVER and I'm sitting beside my cousin who goes black as soon as she looks at the fucking sun AND SHE WAS IN FUCKING PORTUGAL FOR TWO WEEKS BEFORE COMING OVER HERE. That's the why.


Jennikybooky said...

Niamh I feel your creamy white pain!

Siobhan said...

My feeling are hurt over that coat comment too! And also over the lack of appreciation for the scarf.

Keep up the good work bud x

jac said...

embrace the paleness you creamy beaut!

Anonymous said...

"Throw me a bone"???
The only bone he should throw in your direction would be from a butcher's,you dirty,potty mouthed yoke.
Shame on you for making Waterford women look so classless and crude with your vulgarity.
I'd say your parents are mortified with your carry on.I'm 50 years of age and believe me,I've never heard the likes of you before.

Jennikybooky said...

Back for more Anonymous? I knew you couldn't stay away for long!

jac said...

you'd have to wonder what is up with Anonymous that it keeps coming back to something that it hates so much!

"i have never heard the likes of you before" - but yet i want to keep hearing you, you disgusting beast of a woman..oooh i love you so much but its so wrong....i am going to hell. yes you are anonymous, yes you are. atone for your sins!

Jennie's parents are extremely proud, she is a talented writer who has her name out there and is not afraid of the person that she is. unlike you, who gets their kicks from anonymously posting on blogs that you hate.

its all a bit sad. get a hobby.

Hazel said...

oh deary me..... anonymous, sucks to be 50 and bitter. Bet you're just jealous of Jen coz you probably wasted your life stalking other more interesting and successful people and now you're 50, and I'd say a horribly aged 50, not a classy 50 year old.
OK off you go now, come back with a pathetic effort of saying how we must all be dirty and "potty mouthed" (WTF) coz we like the blog and wait for it every Monday. LOSER.

nige said...

hi jen, havin recently been pointed towards your blog by your beautiful younger sister , i was suddenly inspired to not only go in search of a beautiful new coat but possibly a scarf too. its a greaT BLOG, SOMETHING I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO DO.. its something no one can take away from you ...unfortunately , these blogs attract some awful sad people who love to criticise.. so maybe next time "anonymous" decides to post a silly message you could simply say< as we do in waterford> " fuck off boi"...........good luck with the blog, your obviously living the dream...i cant wait for next monday.....

Eamonn W said...

This anonymous chap is a riot.

Someone give him his own blog!

Meghan said...

Seriously, do people still write comments as anon? I thought that was only for retards and pedophiles.

I love it Jennie and so does Jimbo (and he's 64!)

Andrew said...

I thought that was only for retards and pedophiles.

And spammers, and out and out cunts.

Hazel said...

Meghan and Andrew...... ye are both funny as fuck (oops I said fuck, I must be from Waterford)

Anonymous said...

Well now...It seems I'm after generating a bit of a furore on here with my comments yesterday and judging by the "remarks" posted,I think my point is well proved about the vulgarity that is prevalent amongst the author and her gathering of supporters.
These same "supporters" remind me of those horrendous flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz(unable to communicate without screeching,low levels of intelligence and controlled by a witch)

God bless each and everyone of you poor misguided souls.

Anonymous said...

oh lordy jen, love the blog dont mind the comments rom others, the ones who know you and love you are crying laughing every week.
by the way BBB is not having a good week.
However Seamus did say to me one day, are you really p***ed off cuase you have put on lots of weight recently, sure men they dont what to be saying and bearing in mind he is 37!!!

Amy m

Laura O'Callaghan said...

the comments are as good as the blog! It's like a P.S. at the end of a letter!!

Emma said...

In the very unlikely event you don't win an Irish Blog Awards, I will knit you one.

A green one.

Jennikybooky said...

Emma I am holding you to that!