Week Twenty One

Monday 22nd Feb

Got up this morning full of the joys of Spring. Meseff and himseff had our breakfast and then he went into the bathroom while I was tidying up. The next thing I heard some sounds. It sounded like...no! It couldn't be, could it? It sounded like he was brushing his teeth. Surely not! He always brushes his teeth in his own room - it's how he asserts his independence. I busted into the bathroom and he turns around with a big surprised head on him, with his toothbrush hanging out of his Big Brown lips:

"What's up girl?"

"You're in here with your toothbrush!" I goes.

"Yeah", he goes, "and I brought in my deodorant as well, I'm going to leave them here. Is that ok?"

"Grand by me", says I, and I came out of the bathroom, delighted outta me head.

He came out then:

"You're delighted I brought my toothbrush in here aren't you?" he goes.

"Yeah I so am," I goes.

Short pause.

"I'm delighted as well."

Melt.

That night I went to training and ran the legs off meself. He had soccer training at the same time and I was home and showered before him. I heard him clip clopping up the hall in his soccer boots. I opened the door and lads, I fell in love all over again. That sounds so bent, but it's true.

He was head to toe in muck and shite and his face was all dirty and he looked about 12. Shur God love him.

He had a shower then and we went out after 11 to the pub for drinks and snacks.

I love drinks and snacks.

The minute we sat down though we realised we were wrecked. We could barely even talk to each other. Then after a sniff of a drink each the two of us were all tipsy and giggly in the corner of the pub. I could barely even chew me sandwich. After about an hour or so we said we'd head home.

We went outside and it was raining and freezing and we were so far away from home (there are no taxis in the nights).

"I know!" I said, "Let's time ourselves!", employing the age old trick my sister used to use on me to get me to go to the shop for her. Flashback:

"Run up to the Yellow House and get me a ten p mixture and a bag of cheesy popcorn - I'll time ya!"

Me then, the bigger eejit running down the road at top speed.

Anyway:

"15 mins!", says he.

"13!", slurred I, and the two of us started speedwalking up the road.

In the end we made it in 17, even though we jogged some of the way.

Note: when I am jogging, I do not love drinks and snacks.

Tuesday 23rd Feb

Woke up this morning delighted out of our heads, because it's the first time since we met that he doesn't have to study all day. We had a lovely breakfast and lunch and then we went into town to do a bit of shopping. We went into Marlboro Classics where he told the girl he was looking for a light polo neck jumper. Now I am generally against polo necks on the under 30's but when he came out of the the dressing room in this polo neck I nearly fell down on the ground. I'd say me leg was going like a dog gettin his belly scratched. He was a feckin vision. He was actually beautiful like. Jesus I had to take a step back.

I can't believe he is my boyfriend.

And better yet, he can't believe I am his girlfriend.

Talk about a ride.

Hee hee!

Wednesday 24th Feb

I was barely awake for two minutes when the phone rang. It was the person who works at the front desk telling me a parcel had arrived for me. I ran down there Linford Christie style and there was a big box all for me!

Now lads, I cannot convey to you how much I love post, especially boxes full of lovely stuff. I always write letters home, which is what got me started on this blog; I used to write my sister letters and she used to bring them in to work and read them out. Eventually I started writing the blog, cos me hand was falling off with the demand for letters!

Anyway, back to the parcel. It was a box full of all my favourite stuff from a lovely person who I love. Stir fry sauces, noodles, spice mixes, jellies, malteser bunnies, Glamour mag, but most importantly - and I mean MOST importantly - Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Feast!

I did a little dance.

"We are taking him out to lunch when we get to Dublin," says I to BBB.

"Yes of course, and tell him thanks from me as well, since I'll be eating half of all this."

Silly, silly BBB.

If he thinks so much as one spoonful of them Crunchy Nuts is going to make the journey to his mouth, he is terribly, terribly mistaken.

There will be blood.

Thursday 25th Feb

Thursdays are generally my crazy day where I have to run around like a wild animal between clients, stuffin a focaccia into my face as I run from one appointment to another, but once they are over at half six, I get to go home and fall into a crumpled heap onto the bed/floor/chair as BBB orders me a kebab.

Today was looking to be pretty stressful until my last client of the day cancelled, basically taking all the pressure off because today someone I met on the interweb is coming to meet me in Pavia. Now, now, get yer minds out of the gutter - we met on a translation website, not ratemypenis.com or anything.

Although, the first time he sent me a private message, the subject line was "Scopriamoci" which generally means "Let's get to know each other", but of course, what with my head being up my arse, I didn't read it properly, so the first time I looked at it I thought it said "Scopiamoci" which means "Let's fuck each other".

Me nerves.

I literally thought that was what it said for about 10 seconds. But then I copped on. Phew!

Anyway in the evening I met Laura and we went back to my place and had dinner and gave each other massages and then baked scones. It makes me laugh, the stuff we do be up to, we are like a pair of lesbanians.

You know, from Lesbania, like.

Friday 26th Feb

Oh dearie me. Today BBB's best friend from home came to visit him for the weekend. But you see I was after telling Laura we could get pished and stay in my gaff in BBB's bed but I forgot his friend would be in there. No bother says I, BBB can sleep in with the friend and Laura can sleep in with me. BBB was not best pleased to hear this, and proceeded to reinforce a cultural stereotype by screaming his head off over nothing.

"Grand, grand," I goes, but only because I know it drives him mad.

"I'm right and that's that!" he goes, slamming the door behind him and goes into his room next door to his friend.

Now bear in mind that (a) BBB has a mouth like a torn bag and (b) the walls are paper thin, so I could hear every word he was saying, bitchin about me to his friend.

"That fucker!" I was thinking, and then it went a bit quiet so I thought they were after lowering their voices so I decided to put me ear against the wall and have a good listen.

Don't you judge me! You'd be doing the very same yourself!

I went to stand up from the desk and as I was doing so I was cocking my head into the desired eavesdropping position when suddenly:

"NYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Didn't my fuckin neck seize up! Lads it was agony. It was like one strip of muscle at the back went all hard and was killing me. I actually felt sick like. BBB came in the door then, face like thunder until I was like "BBB! This is not a drill! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"Jesus love!" he goes and runs over to me and starts sticking his finger in the hard bit.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

He put me down on the bed then and after a while the muscle relaxed. I really thought I was going to puke.

"You alright girl?" he goes.

"Yeah but I feel sick," I goes.

You were only doing that for the attention," he goes.

"WHAT?!" I goes, "Excuse yourself, I was doing that so I could listen to you through the wall!"

"What?"

Oops.

That night myself and Laura got pissed, me on an 89c bottle of prosecco, her taking the high road on a €4 bottle.

Posh bitch.

BBB can't get his head around the fact that we are staying in to get pished.

"In this horrible room?" he goes.

Now lads, the rooms are horrible, but only I may call my room horrible!

"Yes, in this horrible room." I goes.

He doesn't seem to "get" that the rottener the place is where you get drunk, the funnier it is.

When he gets older he'll understand.

Saturday 27th Feb

Meseff and Laura headed to Milan today, then we got pizzas on the way home for us and the two boys and then she headed home and the two boys went out so I gave myself a pedicure in the bidet.

Dear Bidet, I love you. From Jennie.

Sunday 28th Feb

The four of us went back to Milan today for a lurk around. We wanted to climb the Duomo but BBB found a mobile on the train and being the good boy he is, handed it in at the police station at the train station. This took at least half an hour, which made us too late to climb the Duomo.

It is worth keeping in mind that simple tasks in Italy, such as picking one's nose, involve you filling in copious paperwork and paying a fiver for the pleasure. It would leave one to believe that the country is inhabited by idiots, but after thorough inspection, one comes to the conclusion that they are in fact not idiots, they are just Italians.

Anyway then we lurked down the most expensive street in Milan where we were given withering looks by the bouncers on the shop doors and made to feel like riff raff as we walked past the Ferraris and Bentleys parked outside D&G and the like.

Jesus I'd love to be filthy stinkin rich. Filthy with the dirt rich like. D&G and all that shite wouldn't interest me though. I'd be more into a nice house in a nice area of Italy and having Mam and Dad living in the lap of luxury in a granny flat out the back. There would be sausage dogs. And a wet room. And a grand garden out the back.

But above all - there would be brand name cereal!

Oh, and a bidet in every room.

Obviously.