Next stop: Rock Bottom

Lads I'm in a bad way. Everything is gone wrong all at the same time and I'm up in some heap (pronounced haype).

First off the house situation:

Meseff and himseff were supposed to be getting an apartment together to save ourselves a few bob (and to have a buzz). This was all fine and dandy, we were picking out apartments and buzzin off our heads at the thought of having our own fridge, of going out and not walking a half an hour home and of having deadly parties and more money to do mental things and having general good times 'n' shit.

Everything was peachy until....

Three weeks before we were due to move out, Big Brown Mamma calls.

First she pretended she wanted him to stay in the hovel for financial reasons. BBB explained that we were saving money by getting an apartment. Then she said if he moved out she wouldn't pay his rent. Then she said she would come up in September and help him find a place. He said "I thought you said if I moved out you wouldn't pay for me?"

The it all came out.

She just didn't want him to live with me.

Then his aunty had to get her two cents in - apparently BBB should only be going out with his friends and should have a "little girlfriend" that he sees twice a week or at weekends, and should "be free to find himself another girlfriend"

Colour me enraged.

Deep breaths.

We live together now for fuck sake!

I mean it's all fine and dandy that he lives with me now, his first year away from home, and I am after teaching him how to cook and look after himself and how to be independant and according to him "the importance of hard work"; now that I have already taught him all that stuff and I am no longer of service, it would seem that I can go and fuck myself.

Now obviously, because I am a nice girl, I completely understand that she is trying to "protect" her son. That is completely understandable and grand, even if she is most likely doing it because she is a bit jealous. However, because I am such a nice girl, I simply cannot understand why you would do this to me THREE WEEKS before we move out, thus effectively leaving me thoroughly fucked.

That was two weeks ago, and I am still grinding my teeth about it, because I have answered a squillion ads for rooms and nothing has come through for me. All the contracts are for students only and those that aren't are for disgusting houses that require a squillion euro deposit which reeks of scam to me. Now I am thoroughly screwed, because I have to be out of here by next Tuesday. Of course BBB is fine because he is flying home to BBM, who clearly couldnt give a flying fuck if I end up living in a cardboard box.

Christ like, a bit of common courtesy please! If you don't want us living together, grand - just open your mouth and say it straight away! Don't leave us make plans and then dump me in the shitter at the last minute!

Me nerves!

Next up, work:

It would seem that I have fallen foul to a cleverly worded work contract and instead of the figure I thought I would be coming out with every month, I will be coming out with approximately half that amount.

Wondrous.

And finally, the general morale situation.

I'm not going to lie lads. Morale is low. I think it might actually have reached an all-time low, in fact. As in WORSE than Luxembourg. And that was BAD.

I'm not taking Fionn's death very well. I'm not very good at death anyway but this is hard lads.

When I looked at his face I didn't only see his little face; I saw Mammy and Daddy and my brother and my sisters and my whole family. I saw our house and my room and all my friends. He was like a symbol of home and all the things that tie me to it. When I looked at his picture on my phone I used to get a warm feeling in my tummy cos seeing him made me think of all those things. Now that link is gone and I don't know my arse from my elbow.

But just with everything together I just feel so sad. It's like an unbearable weight on me. I don't think I've ever been so lonely in my life. Poor BBB can't help me because every time I look at him I think of how his mother fucked me over. Anyway, how could I ever expect to be helped by someone who has never even heard of The Goonies?

Next Tuesday BBB is leaving for home for two months. All my other friends are already gone home for the summer, because Pavia shuts down for August. I am the only stupid fucker left here, forlornly taking the train to Milan every day to a job that earns me significantly less than I need.

I could handle any of the above three crises with ease if they had come individually, or even two together, but everything all at once is so hard, especially when I am all alone far away from home. I don't know how I am going to pull myself out of this one lads.

No dirty jokes about that last line.