Well after three months of carelessly squandering my money for the year on such frivolties as meat and other sources of nourishment, I return to Bologna to find tumbleweed blowing across my bank account. Now faced with living in abject poverty, I find myself having to.......gulp.....budget. So it has finally come down to the crunch. I thought I had seen the crunch before but that was a mere glimpse of the crunch. A daytrip to the crunch if you will. But here it is now-my first real slice of the crunch. Is anyone getting this reference?
Anyway I'm down to fifty euro a week for the next six months.
Friday 11th Jan
Came in the door, weighed down with bags, STARVIN after travelling all day. Had the phone in hand about to order a pizza but I stopped myself and made some pasta instead. G`wan Jennie ya good thing, savin those pennies like a mofo!
Sat 12th Jan
Went to Lidl and bought a few basics. The first sacrifice that has to be made here are my fizzy mistresses. Anyone who is close to me knows that it is only when the sweet fizz of Orange Lucozade or Red BPM caresses my lips that I truly feel alive. And when I'm over here they are replaced by San Pellegrino Aranciata. So in my poverty-stricken state I've had to forego these lovelies. Ditto apple juice. Oh sugar-laden soft drinks, how I yearn for you!
Sun 13th Jan
Oh my God. POUNDING headache all day caused by lack of the sugary loveliness of soft drinks. But do I take a painkiller? Nope! Why, I hear you asking? Because painkillers are for PUSSIES.
And I cant afford them.
Mon 14th Jan
Had some business to attend to today, so met Classmate and The Man down town. Classmate wanted to head into this AMAZERING place for dinner, reputably the most amazering place in Bologna, and I nigh on did a long-jump through the door only for I could picture Eddie sittin on my shoulder whispering sweet financial nothings into my impoverished ear. I still can't believe what I did next.
I decided to go home for my dinner.
Can you IMAGINE what it took for me to go home instead and cook up some pasta? See its these things that really test me. Food is just my ultimate weakness. I love going for dinner, throwing dinner parties, bathing in dinner, dinner polo. Anything to do with dinner, really. Another successful day. I am SO making Eddie proud.
Thurs 16th Jan
Seriously faltered today. Went for a walk around town with Roommate and the sales were mind blowing. Was doing alright until I came across this HUGE uderwear sale in Tezenis. 70% off. SEVENTY PER CENT people. Underwear is up there with dinner for me. I almost went in. ALMOST. But I just thought to myself "What would Eddie do?" and I fecked off home and made myself a lovely dinner to cheer myself up.
Fri 17th Jan
Threw myself around the gym more than usual today as punishment for being a pussy yesterday. Mortified myself on Monday in the showers with my Lidl Cien shampoo and conditioner. Got some looks. I wouldnt mind but I should be the one giving the Italians looks. With their big jungle bushes on them.
Transgender gone wrong
16 hours ago