Monday, February 8, 2010

This blogger will self destruct in five...four...three...two...oh shit hang on I left the oven on!

Now lads. There comes a time in everyone's life when they hit rock bottom. That time for me is now.

Last night myself and Laura decided to go on a bit of a Nazi-esque fitness regime to turn ourselves into two sleek running machines over the next few weeks. This of course includes a balanced diet blah blah yawn. All well and good, I hear you say. Well we were starting off this morning, and I woke up and had an apple and sat down at my laptop, feeling proud of myself.

Cut to 15 minutes later and I had eaten 2 cakes and 7 Reese's peanut butter cups. Fast forward another few hours and I had a kebab and a can of coke for lunch. In between these food-related activities I lay face down on the bed making whiney animal noises. After the kebab I played Zuma for 4 hours and then lay down and made some more animal noises.

Keeping in mind of course that I have emails to be sending and blogs and articles to be writing.

What the flip is going on eh? I simultaneously feel like running ten miles and sleeping for a week. I just don't know what's up with me at all at all.

Actually I do know what's up with me. I'm fed up! Fed up so I am! Fed up of this being broke lark! Sick to the back teeth of working me arse off and still not havin a pingin rua! Yer man Valentin outside the supermarket has more money than me! Eddie Hobbs my arse - the bastard never even emailed me back. How rude.

I know we are all in the same boat, but we are allowed to be pissed off about it. I'm feckin sick of calculatin me shoppin to the cent as I go around the supermarket and subsequently gettin a dose of SAS as yer wan is beepin through me shoppin at the till. I want to waltz in and throw a rake of shite in the basket and breeze up to the till, not a bother on me.

But you know what I really want? I want clothes! Clothes and shoes and underwear and ridiculously priced stockings and hair flowers and dickie bows. I want to go on me holidays and drink overpriced plonk and eat weeping tiger steak. I want BRAND NAME CEREAL. I'm talking Frosties, Special K and Weetabix instead of Sugar Flakes, Wellness Flakes and Wheat Bisks. Basically I just want to STOP WORRYING ABOUT MONEY.

I mean, I am a lady, I should be thinking about rainbows and puppy dogs and butterflies, not how much I can save versus how much I can spend. Having to think about money non feckin stop is tiring and it's really starting to wear me down.

Morale is low lads. Morale is fuckin low.

Hence the absence of real blog post. Doing that would take up valuable energy that could be used for eating shite.

That's if I could afford to eat shite.

But shur look, at the end of the day I suppose I should just take stock: I have two arms and two legs and I'm healthy and I have a lovely family and lovely friends. My Mammy always says "Your health is your wealth" and she is right.

I still want brand name cereal though.


nigel said...

lol....give hazel a calla..she can fit you in for a session or two of counselling..

Amy Moran said...

oh jen i feel for you, i can lend ya 20 quid to get some frosties,,I remember the wellness flakes of my college days.
chin up lady, you'll be bathing in brand name cereal one of these days.

Jennikybooky said...

Nigel, I would but she'd only tell me to cop the fuck on.

Amy stop girl - I wish I went to college when I was 18, before I developed a taste for the finer things in life!

jac said...

i dont know how to tell you this jennie, but i have been working since i'm 18 and am still stuck on Benefit - the Aldi Special K. but maybe its because i spend my money on shoes and getting my hair done.

you'd live with them for that like!

Emma K said...

Jenny I feel your pain, believe me. 25 and i'm STILL in fucking college. Still eaching Wellness flakes, and still going to Tesco to only buy anything thats on special offer. When you actually dont look for a specific item but just look for whats under the big yellow signs it can really get you down. My friend bought me Ocean Spray cranberry juice for my birthday cos i had a rant about how i saw a woman just drinking a carton willy nilly for her lunch, and there no way on earth i could fork out 4 euro for one. Someday we'll be rich, someday.

Anonymous said...

I hear you!!!!! I just really want to win the lotto or something and quit my stupid rent-paying job that's giving me an ulcer!!!!!!! I want to walk into Topshop and buy everything I like and not spend an hour debating which single cheap item I should buy and then feel guilty about!!!!! I want to be able to buy my kitties respectable Whiskers cat food instead of whatever Aldi has on special!!!!!!
I want a God-damn studio apartment in the heart of Paris!!!!

Laura said...

Shur it could be worse could be dead!!!! You're in Italy...with a're good looking....have a great personality...your life is ahead of you (the better part) and you have no teenagers to take all your money away from you! What's your address? I'll send you a few bob! The Weetabix is on me! Love Ya!!

Jennikybooky said...

Jac - one day I'll get a hair cut that isn't done with a nail scissors!

Emma, THANK YOU. That is EXACTLY how I feel. We just have to keep telling ourselves that once this college lark is over we'll be filthy stinkin rich!

Hermia - I don't even go in to Topshop any more girl, i can't take the torture! And as for urban outfitters - let's not even go there!

Laura, thanks sis, love you too. Well, you're alright like, I suppose. x x x

Emma said...

Pshaw - who needs brand name cereal when you have Reese's peanut butter cups?

Jennikybooky said...

Emma, you make a good point.