Week Nineteen

Oh dear. I started off this week floundering in a fog of despair, which lifted gradually as the week wore on. Things actually started looking up...for about five minutes. Then they swiftly looked back down again. D'oh!

Monday 8th Feb

My good friend Siobhan from down Wexico way came over for a few days last Thursday. during that time we partook of various fun activities such as:

And also:

As a result of these activities, I woke up this morning with the worst cold I have ever had in my life. You know what I'm talking about; your head feels like a tonne weight, you have aches and pains all over the gaff - even the hairs on your arms are hurting you. Lads it was terrible. I'd go as far as to say it was touch and go there for a minute!

I lay in bed all day, making the animal noises that I have grown so fond of, then playing Zuma for a considerable amount of time, before going back to making more animal noises.

I was miserable. Beyond that like, I was just worn out. See last week's post for reasons why. I stayed in bed all day and spent the night snotting in BBB's ear. All I can say is thank God he loves me!

Tuesday 9th Feb

Much the same as yesterday, except today I got up once to pee.

Wednesday 10th Feb

Woke up today feeling slightly better. I decided it would do me good to get out of the house and a bit of fresh air so I went to do the shopping with BBB. Of course now, I thought I was in the whole of my health when we went outside, but by the time we had trudged through the snow and I nearly busted me snot 47 times before we even got to the supermarket, I was fading fast. By the time I got home I was like death warmed up. It was back to bed for me!

Speaking of bed now, I think it's time I addressed a very important issue that I know you have all been wondering about: the farting situation. I'm delighted to say that he was the one to break the fart barrier. I would be telling a dirty lie however, if I said that I wasn't far behind him. Not literally at the time he farted, thank God! I mean in general. Here's how it happened:

He was sitting studying at the desk and I was sitting on the bed doing out lesson plans. Total silence as we were both engrossed in our work. The next thing:

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaarp!

We both jumped. We looked at each other in shock and amazement, and as our eyes met:

Peeeeerp!

ANOTHER one!

Well if I didn't piss myself then, I never will. Actually that is inaccurate; I will most likely piss myself laugthing, and in the very near future at that.

"Sorry girl, they just escaped", he goes.

"Nah it's grand", I goes, delirah that he was the one to do it first! Yes boy!

Now I was full sure this would have paved the way for me to fart in his presence, but NO! I don't know what it is, but even if I had a pain in my stomach, I wouldn't be able! Like every night we go to sleep but I wake up every single morning with a cramp in my stomach from holding in all my nocturnal emissions. I mean I am even holdin them in in my sleep! ...most of the time, anyway.

The other night we were asleep right, and now it was the middle of the night. The two of us sleep like two children -arms and legs trun all over the place, contorted into the quarest of positions, so when one of us moves, usually the other one has to as well. He was stirring a bit and it woke me up, not fully awake but just awake enough to feel him puttin his Big Brown hand on the back of my leg, at the top of my thigh just under my arse. I could feel the lovely warmth of his hand through the leg of my jim jams, and it was so lovely and relaxing that...

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP!

I was suddenly fully awake. Oh my God! Oh sweet mother of divine mercy! I didn't, did I? Remain calm. Do not move. Maybe he didn't notice. Who the fuck am I kidding - how could he not notice that his wrist gone blown off by an errant fart like? He wrenched his hand off the back of my leg and turned his back to me. Hmmm, he was awake enough to notice that I farted, but still too asleep to call me a dirty bitch or somesuch. Good, good. This is good. He will most likely not remember this in the morning, in which case I am off the hook. We shall have to wait and see.

The next morning he wakes up and turns his Big Brown sleepy head to me and goes

"Mornin love. What's the story on today anyway?"

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Thursday 11th Feb

Today I went to work with a big red nose, snot flying everywhere. This particular client is just the sweetest girl ever, and her English is coming on in leaps and bounds. When I had finished, I was walking out and her mother was in the hall and we got to chatting.

"She's great", I was saying, and the next thing the mother goes:

"She missed you terrible when you went back to Ireland for Christmas".

Lads I was touched. I got a big lump in me throat like. Imagine someone missing their teacher over the holidays. Stop, I love her!

Walked around with a big delighted head on me for the rest of the day.

Friday 12th Feb

Valentine's is coming up on Sunday, so I spent the morning making BBB's card while he was in doing an exam.

When he came home I said to him:

"Valentine's day is Sunday now so you'll have to get me a card ok? Just warning you, cos if you don't get me one, I'll probably be upset."

"Oh right, thanks. I'll pick one out tomorrow."

What like? Men are simple creatures. Ask and you shall receive and all that. For my present he got us two tickets home to Ireland for Easter (I'm so excited I can't wait!!!), but everyone knows the card is the best part! Hee hee!

Then I went to work, where the best thing ever in my life happened. Fridays is my favourite client anyway so I was already in a good mood. I plonked my bag on her couch and I was just taking off my coat when she came up behind me and put a bag on the couch.

"That's for you", she said, and she ran off to the kitchen. I opened it and nearly fainted. She was after KNITTING ME A SCARF!!!!

Now lads, I spend my life making things for people who don't even appreciate it, so for someone to actually turn around and repay me the favour - I couldn't cope. I started balling. Because it was bright red. Bright red like, my favourite colour! I was so touched lads. An amazing present like that, and for no reason! There are just no words to explain how much I appreciate it! I'm delighted for the rest of me life! I ran into the kitchen and threw my arms around her, and she squeezed the head off me with the bag of cat food in her hand.

I just loves her so I does! Lads, I must be the best teacher ever!

Saturday 13th Feb

Got up early and went into Laura's so we could go for a jog together. I haven't been to training all week, obviously, what with being on my death bed and all. I was dying for a bit of excercise, not having done any all week, so I was looking forward to a nice slow jog to ease myself back into it. Turns out "ease" didn't even come into it. I felt like I was running up against a brick wall, whilst being made entirely of lead. It was terrible.

After the "jog", we went to the market and got some blood oranges (my absolute favourite) and went back to mine to do a bit of work. And stuff our faces, like. Sometimes these things are necessary.

Valentine's day tomorrow - oooh I'm so excited! BBB was out studying at his friend's house all day today but he was coming home to have dinner with me so I put on a lovely frock and made myelf all lovely and when he came home he was all surprised and delighted and we had a lovely night. Can't wait for tomorrow now! At last my chance to erase the memory of the disaster that was my last Valentine's day in Italy, which you can read about here. This time I was smart! I reminded him with adequate time to purchase a card and flowers.

What could possbily go wrong?

Sunday 14th Feb

Woke up and snuggled into the back of BBB. He woke up:

"Happy Valentine's Day" he goes.

Yes! YES! He remembered! This definitely means something romantic is coming up! I ran over to the desk drawer to get his card and I handed it to him:

"Happy Valentine's day!" I goes, with a huge smile that faded as I watched the blood drain from his face.

"Oh SHIT!" he goes, and covered his face with his hands.

For a split second I thought he was joking but it turns out he wasn't. He forgot to get me a card.

Satisfyingly, I could see that he was DYING inside. He was distraught like. Not as distraught as he's going to be when he opens my card and sees that I spent ages making it just for him, I thought, smugly. He opened it anyway:

" It's brilliant!" he goes, then, "I'm so sorry Love".

And I can see that he's sorry. But he'll never be as sorry as I was just then. I wasn't pissed off or anything; it was an honest mistake and I could see he felt terrible over it. Valentine's is a bit of fun at the end of the day.

I was so disappointed though. Now I know ye all know I'm a big softie anyway so I don't have to explain that to you. This might sound totally naff, but I really wanted a card! Not the card itself or anything, I couldn't give a shite about that! I just wanted something with his handwriting on it, addressed to me. That's all like. A scrap of paper would have done the trick. Because I don't have anything with his handwriting on it. I don't know but I think someone's handwriting is like their essence. I mean you can recognise someone by their handwriting, and that says a lot to me. I think if something is written in handwriting and not in a text or printed that it means so much more. But shur I'm only a big feckin romantic anyway. There's not many of us left around, I am only settin myself up for disappointment really.

Anyway to make it up to me he promised he would make my favourite dinner tonight, so I was looking forward to that.

He went off to his friend's house for lunch anyway and said he wouldn't be long, that he'd be back and he would study in my room. By four o'clock I was wondering where he was. I didn't have any credit to text him though. He came home shortly after that then, but he gave me a kiss and said he had to go back out to study with his friends. Then he asked me to go to the cinema tonight. Yes! He remembered! The cinema is my favourite thing AND I was after asking him could we go and see a particular rosemantic film that I read about in a magazine a few days before. He is redeeming himself!

"What's on?" I asked, playing innocent.

"Paranormal Activity", he goes, "all the lads are coming."

Lads I just can't. I just can't even begin to address this situation. Where to even start? See how I feel about horror pictures here. After much persuasion I reluctantly agreed.

"Thanks for humoring me Love", he goes.

By that point I was just too worn down to even bother puttin up a fight. He went off and I went to bed for the rest of the day.

He came home to make the dinner then, and that's when the real drama began! It started off when he showed flagrant disregard for food safety by touching raw chicken off the vegetables and then it just escalated from there into a screaming match. Bear in mind now it has to be a screaming match to get him to listen to you, because every single thing you say, he just shouts over you how you are wrong and he knows best, even though you have a good 7 years on him. Somehow it ended in him giving me a lecture about how I am always so sad, and how it kills him to see me like this and the only time I am happy is when I write my blog so he thinks I should write a book.

Five minutes later, he was twiddling with my hair and I was snoring into his armpit.

What a fucking week.