Oh God. This week was a complete disaster! I hang my head in shame. Instead of sticking to my fifty snots as I pledged to Eddie in a sincere oath I was temporarily possessed by some kind of spendthrift demon and I ploughed my way through almost 110! Oh Eddie, I never meant to make you cry!
Saturday 2nd February
Went down the pub to watch the match with The Man. Splashed out on a cheeseburger for my lunch. Oh my god the second that juicy meat embarked on a journey down my oesophagus I felt truly alive. I'm not joking you it was like heroin! So anyway we were watching the match and I was pretending that I didn't want to murder him and cut him into little pieces and give him out as sweets on Hallowen over the birthday cake incident, which was giving me indigestion. I mean he's my bud and all that so I know that he's completely wrapped up in himself and I accept that but sometimes he makes me so mad I want to take off my shoe and beat him about the face with it.
Anyway I got pissed on two glasses of wine and then headed home to change because we were going out to this cuban place but when I got home I decided against it because it was Fran and Adonis, Classmate and Lorenzo and The Man and The Ex going and my gooseberry outfit was in the wash so I couldnt go. So myself and Roommate stayed in and chilled out and watched the Mighty Boosh and laughed our heads off.
Sunday 3rd February
I was in my room studying up a storm when this loud crappy Italian music started pumping from the courtyard. I was stressed out enough as it was so I stormed over to the window and wrenched it open and stuck my angry little head out to give whoever it was the what-for and I looked down into the courtyard and there was a couple slowdancing in the middle of the courtyard. The woman had her head on his chest and he was here swigging wine. The second I stuck my head out and looked down, he looked up and caught my eye. Sure how could I still be mad? It was HILARIOUS! So I just gave him the thumbs-up and closed the window.Never one to keep life's pleasures to myself, I booted it into the kitchen at high speed and myself and Roommate were here peering out the net curtains of the balcony door and here were the other two muggin the heads off each other in the courtyard where all the apartments face out onto. We were here laughin away at the shit music (think cheesy sax solos) and the next minute yer man just says something to your wan and the two of them look straight up at the balcony door at the two of us pervin the bit-out! Hahahahahaha! Oh jesus Im mortified just thinkin about it!
Monday 4th February
Couldn't sleep at all last night. Woke up at 3 then had to lie there for hours going out of my mind. Around 7ish I finally fell asleep only to be rudely awoken by Roommate's alarm clock at 7.45 am.
Let me just explain something people. Roommate has never once in 24 years risen out of the scratcher before the crack of noon. But for some reason she sets her alarm to go off at 7.45 am every morning. She turns it off after it takes about a half an hour of continuous ringing and my shoe in the head to wake her out of her powerful Polish coma. Then she allows it to go off every 9 mins. And she STILL doesnt get up til around 1. Now usually this doesnt bother me because I am usually up and pottering about by then and then I head to the gym til 1 so I dont have to listen to it. But the one morning I want to have a sneaky lie-in. PLUS I was "hormonal" shall we say.
Well now if I didnt launch myself out of the bed after the third time the snooze went off and RIP the phone out of her unsuspecting hand and unleash the blonde fury on her. I dont know how she emerged uninjured. I was LIVID. Keep in mind that she used to have a little pink plastic alarm clock when we first moved in that I actually had to confiscate it from her.
Hello like Roommate? Its not as if I dont let her have her way about every other aspect of living together - she sleeps with the window WIDE open so you can actually SEE your breath so Im in the bed fully suited up top to toe in men's jimjam ends and large and wonderful man's hoodie which I could enter and never be seen alive again. She wears the LOUDEST flip-flops ever experienced by human ears (at LEAST 38756546378398 SQUILLION decibels) and pads in and out of the room continuously while Im trying to sleep but I just bought ear plugs (which, by the way only ACCENTUATE the noise) That fuckin alarm is the last straw. I swear to god if I ever hear it again it's curtains for you Bajszczak! Ah but I couldnt live without her and all her annoying habits. I loves her so I does!
Tuesday 5th January
Go on a HUGE grocery BINGE today! I just think "Fuck it" and head into the market and actually buy everything I see, including a MASSIVE(ly delicious) salami. Oh my god it is the most wondrous thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ahem.
Wednesday 6th January
Got back from the gym to a note from Roommate saying "the phone is working". Cue HOURS spent on t'internet catching up on my L Word. So needless to say was in a great mood for the night.
Thursday 7th January
Cant find any more L Word episodes so am heartbroken. So I go to the market and buy a SHITLOAD of crap and go home and stuff it into my mouth and wonder why I exiled myself in this stupid city. But then Roommate comes home and we watch series 3 of the Mighty Boosh and all is right with the world again.
Friday 8th January
Myself and Roommate head off today on a journey through time and space which we entitled "tit-boxes on tour" to find this office in Casalecchio which, as it turns out, didnt exist. Spend all day looking for it and decide to abandon ship around 5 and were halfway to the elusive bus stop when she gets a call from some woman telling her how to get there. Please now. I mean please now people. If she wanted Roommate there she could have rang her at 3.30 and wondered where she was. I was here do what you want girl I'm outta here and Roommate is like well I'm headin over. So I embark on the neverending bus ride home and start makin my dinner. Roommate walks in the door a half hour later. There was no office.
While eating my dinner I took few moments to reflect on the sham that my week was and my complete failure to adhere to my budgeting vows. I am very disappointed in myself. But even worse, Eddie is very disappointed in me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go flagellate myself.
The Final Frontier
1 day ago