Monday, April 12, 2010

Week Twenty Seven

This week I have the pleasure of introducing you to my new favourite weblog - The Loving Spoonful by the lovely Niamh. This is a brand spanking new food blog and lads her recipes are deadly! I love the way she writes, too. Basically I want to marry her. Meseff and Himseff are gone mad into the new recipes lately and our eyes are after wearing two holes in this girl's blog already! Om nom nom!

Now let's get down to business.

Monday 5th April

After four lovely days at home which were mainly filled with BBB's excited voice saying "Take a picture! Take a picture!" we headed up to the Big Smoke and checked into our hotel. You can only imagine our delight after four nights spent sleeping in seperate beds (I was grand actually because I had my electric blanket, but poor BBB had the sofa bed that his feet stick out the end of) when we walked into our room to discover our uber bed!

The joy! The delight!

And in true BBB style he exclaims "Look at this bed! Take a picture!" And so I did:

We spent our first night lurking around the city and taking in the sights before I introduced him to the WONDER that is the €1.99 chicken fillet roll from Centra. €1.99 for a tasty and filling roll - shur what more could you ask for?

Not cheese, cos that's 65c extra.

Tuesday 6th April

Today we went to the Guinness Storehouse. Lads, it was deadly. Usually I hate and am bored by touristy shite like factory tours but this was actually brilliant! Needless to say BBB couldn't cope. And I couldn't cope with how delighted he was. Shur God love him.

After the tour we went for lunch in what is probably my favourite restaurant in Dublin. I love it because I like the food in there, but there is just this one thing that irks me. For the most part, the staff are lovely and friendly, but one or two of them just give me ire. Like for example, the fella who met us at the door to seat us.

Now for the record, I think it's important when you work in a shop or some other public place to be nice and friendly at all times, but there is such a thing as being too friendly. Like as in over the top fake friendly. As in "I'm deadly cos I work here and I act like I own the place so I'm going to act overly familiar towards you" friendly, like the fella who seated us was. There was something in that laid back Bon Jovi mid '80's way he swaggered to the table as if he was seating us at the kitchen table of his own house that made me want to rip the poxy piercing out of his goatee'd chin.

I'd love to be like:

"Sorry do you know me? No? Oh. Right. No, it's just the way you're talking to me there that gave me the impression that you knew me. Now what are the specials?"

Anyway after lunch I was planning a major assault on Penneys. Needless to say I was going on and on about it, and BBB just didn't get it.

"I just don't understand why you are gettin so excited about a shop", he was saying.

"No, you just don't get it. Wait until we get there, and then you can judge."

We went into Penneys anyway and he was obediently following me through the aisles as I had my preliminary scan when we came to the shoe section, which is right next to the men's section.

"That T-shirt is nice", he said, pointing to the men's mannequin.

"Yeah it's lovely", I said.

"Wait it''s only four euro! Th.....this T-shirt is only four euro!" he goes.

"Yeah I know", I said.

"Look at this shirt! It's only NINE euro!" he squealed.

"BBB I know", I said.

"Here, hold my bag", says he, thrusting his belongings into my outstretched arms before bounding off into the clothing jungle.

"Look at this! No, this is nicer! Oh my GOD! SIX EURO! Jen - I have to try these on!"

Stop lads. He is so funny. I love shopping with him. He came proudly out of the changing room to model everything he picked. Every single thing he tried on looked amazing on him. I suppose that's what happens when you have a body like a fine cut diamond. In all the kerfuffle, I never got to look around or try anything on because we had to meet someone at 7, but we said we'd come back the next day for round two of the Penneys Grand Slam.

At 7 we met with a friend of BBB's and went for a few drinkypoos in the Hairy Lemon before going to meet my friends later at the Porter House. It was SO good to see them again. I have been kind of drifting along in the little world that I built for myself in Pavia so it was good to touch base again and see what everyone is up to. They are all crazy busy with their finals and the like, which made me all excited to get back to Dublin next year and finish up for myself.

After a while BBB and I decided we could drink no more and meandered home down Grafton street, accidentally getting a big mac meal and a triple whopper meal on the way.

Om nom nom.

Wednesday 7th April

Instead of the Penneys expedition we went on the free walking tour of Dublin, after which I ticked a major to do off my to do list when we met my cronies for lunch in the Gourmet Burger Kitchen. Lads, ANY burger and ANY drink for a tenner. I got the falafel burger which was scrumptious. My only qualm was that I couldn't pick it up and eat it burger style. I had to approach it with cutlery, which sort of sucks the joy out of the burger experience, to be honest.

In the afternoon we finally got back to Penneys but it was so packed and there was such a queue for the changing rooms I just couldn't face it. So we decided to just walk on through. I was absentmindedly looking around me so I wasn't really paying attention where we were going so I grabbed BBB's hand. It felt a bit small.

Suspiciously small.

I looked up.

I was holding some Indian fella's hand.

I didnt know how to react really. I'm not equipped for this kind of scenario. It hasn't happened to me since I was six and myself and Mammy were walking down Lady Lane in Waterford and I was off in a daydream and I went to hold Mammy's hand but I held some businessman's hand instead, WHO LEFT ME KEEP HOLDING IT until I copped on, and Mammy walking along behind us pissing herself with the laughing.

Anyway I just dropped his hand and turned to BBB who was bent double with the laughing, and the two of us nearly pissed our knickers laughing the whole way through Penneys.

After that we lurked around Dublino and then headed back to the room where BBB stayed while I went out and met my partner in crime for a drink, during which the most spectacular double-fail in history came into being.

We were sitting down minding our own business by the door of the pub, which, incidentally, was glass (can you guess where this is going?), but was CLEARLY marked with the name of the pub on it in sticker and a big steel handle. Anywho... the next thing this big poncey eejit swaggers down to the door, fag in mouth, pint in hand and WALKS STRAIGHT INTO THE DOOR. I am talking pint all over his t shirt, concertina'ed fag in his mouth like. He turned around and ran back up to his friends laughing. But he wasn't laughing as hard as we were, oh no.

About a half an hour later anyway he decided to come back for more punishment, the glutton. He sauntered down to the door and turned around to all his friends and goes "Look, it o-pens", in a fake-retard voice WHILE PROCEEDING TO PULL INSTEAD OF PUSH. So in fact, it didn''t open, oh no. He realised his mistake and quickly pushed the door and went outside, pretending it didn't happen while everyone inside the pub was inwardly dying of the awkwardness.


Thursday 8th April

Well today is the stinky day that we have to go back to our hovel in Pavia after our lovely holiday.

Some bollix.

But I have to say I'm really looking forward to going back to Dublin in a few months. I love living in Dublin. Everyone always says "Oh I hate Dublin", but that is only because they have never lived there. As much as I am looking forward to going back to Dublin, it makes me a bit sad to think that my time here is slowly coming to a close.

Anyway we got back to Pavia and I went straight to work. I came home then and died a merry death in the bed.

Friday 9th April

Today I had the pleasure of meeting Laura's lovely parents. Now first let me outline the fact that I LOVE Laura. I think she was put on this earth to do fun activities with me and just generally be a lovely and admirable person in my vicinity.

Well after meeting her parents I know why she is like that. As we say in the Deise - she's from good stock, boy. Her parents are only edible! Her mother, first off, is a SUPERMODEL. I nearly fainted down dead on the floor when I saw her! I mean I saw pictures of her before so I knew she was gorgeous but in the flesh - I couldn't cope! Her beauty was hurtin my eyes like! And as for her Daddy - shur wouldn't you only run away with him! And didn't he whip out photies of Laura when she was little - he is so proud of her. Stop now lads, I was gettin a lump in me throat. Sadly, Laura said she was feeling dodgy so we went our separate ways.

Saturday 10th April

I texted Laura to see how she was and she was on her death bed. She was up all night sick she says. That's very unlike her now, she must have a stomach flu or whatnot.

I got her crackers to be munchin on in the supermarket and I called over to check she was still alive. She was. Only a small bit though. She was in bits, the poor thing, so meseff and himseff ran down to the pharmacy to get her some smelling salts and the like. I felt so sorry for her. I gave her a big cuddle cos I loves her.

Big mistake.

Sunday 11th April

Today meseff and himseff minded our business all day and then he made lovely focaccia and we sat down and had our dinner. Then I settled in to watching a film on the 'puter.

Then suddenly, and without warning, I came down with a dose of the vapours. I was feeling a bit light headed, a bit nauseous. I thought it was because I've been eating too much bread and now my intestines were punishing me, but it quickly became clear that it was something way more sinister! Laura was definitely after giving me stomach AIDS.

I was rolling around on the ground moaning and roaring. This might sound dramatic but if any of you have ever had gastroenteritis you will know that this behaviour is entirely appropriate. Then it all came to a terrible head. It was Tramore all over again.

"BBB!" I was screaming from inside the bathroom.

"What's happening? Can I get you something? Water? Pills?" he was shouting from the other side of the door.

"Yeah Love, I really need you to...put on some music", I said.

"What kind of music?" he asks.

"I don't give a shit JUST PUT IT ON!!!" I roared.

As if I care what kind of music is drowning out the sounds of my retching.

"Ok, ok!", he goes and puts on some Florence and The Machine.

I wish he hadn't. I really love florence and The Machine. But now and for the rest of my life I will associate that album with pissing out my arse.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Week Twenty Six

Monday 29th March

Oh my God the excitement! I'm going home on Wednesday! I spend most of the day making monkey noises and giving BBB excitement digs, in between running around and organising everything.

Tuesday 30th March

Today while BBB was at college I scrubbed the room to a sparkling shine. There is no WAY I am coming back off me holidays to a lacklustre hovel. Now I don't mind cleaning usually because I do it against the clock. To add the bit of excitement like.

But today folks, I did things a bit differently. I did them in me nudie. Just to see like. Just for an experiment. BBB has me doing things in me nudie a lot when he is not here. You see, he is always doing things in the noodle and it gets me wondering. It gets me curious like, what's so great about it?

Answer: plenty.

Wednesday 31st March

Couldn't sleep a wink last night with the Oakwood Syndrome. You know, when you are doing something amazing the next day and you are so excited you can't sleep. We got up at the crack of dawn and headed off anyway.

Now I feel I should just explain that I hate travelling. I get up in a heap for two days either side of any journey. I cannot stand it. I become an antichrist like. So my tactic with this is to put the headphones in and try to block it all out. BBB's strategy on the other hand, is to ask me every five seconds am I alright and why am I so silent. He will be fairly silent himself in a second when I dig the mouth off him.

Anywaaaaaaaay, after an hour on a bus, 2 hours flight and 2 and a half hours on the train, we finally got to Waterford, where I found out that my Daddy got off work early just to collect me. Awwwwww Daddy, you're the best!

Lads, I couldn't believe it. BBB was just fantastic. He was all shaking hands and claps on the back and chatting away no problem. I was like, he is so cool. For a minute like, I actually wanted to be him. If I ever go down to meet his family I won't say a word for a week I'll be so shy! His mother is coming up to visit us soon. If I was on meds, I would definitely have to up them for such an occasion.

I wish I was on meds.

Anyway BBB ended up going to watch the match in my brother's house with my father. "Ah lovely, now I can watch Grey Gardens", says I to myself, seeing as I rang Daddy weeks ago and asked him to Sky+ it for me. I sat down, jim jams on, snack in hand, snuggle sequence engaged, only to find that Mammy had erased it. Lovely. I was dying to see that, like dying. The original one like.

Tangent: I can't watch it on the interweb cos I can only find Divx links for it, and even though I have divx player downloaded onto my laptop, every time I open a link to a Divx player, it makes my interweb freeze and I have to close it all down. If a nice person would like to explain to me what I should do, that would be wonderful, please and thanks.

Thursday 1st April

Today we got the train up to Kilkenny (€11.40? Robbing bastards!) and had lunch with the lovely Gemma, who changed my life for the better with her roasted carrots!

Now it's no secret that I'm not into vegetables. I do like some of them, but I tend to eat the same ones all the time because the rest of them are an affront to the delicacy of my nature. As for carrots, I usually accept a spoonful with my Sunday dinner, but then I have to smother them in butter and eat them really fast first thing so then I can eat the rest of my dinner and wash away the non-taste of them.

But this time things were different - Gemma gave me roasted carrots and good lord. I nearly ate the fork an all! Fantastic they were! So fantastic that as I write this, myself and BBB are planning to have them with our dinner tonight!

Whatever about the roast carrots though - the dessert! The dessert, lads! It was to die for! Meringue roulade that she made herself. It was like art. I couldn't cope!

"Jesus look at that! Take a photo of that!" I said, and we were all so preoccupied with taking photos of the dessert that we forgot to take any of the four of us. We're smart like that.

Gemma courteously dropped us home to Mammy's then where Hazel and my nephew Jack were waiting. Lads now, couldn't cope with Jack. I wasn't able like. Running around the place he was! He even has a little dance that he does! Chest pains. Had to restrain myself from doling out the Love Digs.

We went out to Hazels then, where it was love at first sight between Hazel's husband and BBB and they went off to the pub while myself and Hazel went upstairs and had a fashion show. Ah, fun sisterly activities!

Hazel drove back down to the pub to collect the two boys anyway, and wasn't BBB after drinking 4 pints in an hour. The poor child. He was all starry-eyed gettin out of the car. And while inhaling a kebab. And also while snoring in my ear all night.

Love Digs.

Friday 2nd April

Today we had our walk around Waterford and I busted out the Shaws card. Only got two pairs of jeans though, I'm very disappointed in myself.

In the evening we went to Jac and Darragh's for dinner. Now lads, I actually wish ye were all friends with them so ye could all go to their house for dinner. It was the best dinner ever. Pea and mint soup to start with parma ham and a dollop of creme fraiche (every girl's best friend). Om nom nom. Lemon sole and concertina potatoes for the main that would make you want to eat the plate. All washed down with Bellinis and for dessert, white chocolate and baileys cheesecake. Now how is a person supposed to cope with the deliciousness? I had to have a lie down when I went home!

Saturday 3rd April

I was sick all night last night so I was a broken woman come morning time. I was having a nap on the couch, tangled up in BBB when Mammy woke me up.


Me then, "Wha? WHA?" still asleep, jerking up off the couch, arms and legs all over the shop. You know the way you'd be.

"I need your help with something" says she.

"What is it?" says I.

Well that's what I tried to say but my mouth was so dry the words got stuck in there. My fringe looked like this:

"Just come here, I need help." she says.

"Ok" so I peel myself up off the couch, green in the face, with BBB looking on, horrified. "This must be serious", I was thinking.

I followed her down to the end of the hall.

She turned around then, straighteners in hand,

"Will you do my hair?"

Give me patience.

After I had a little lie down we went out to Tramore with Mammy and Daddy. BBB was delighted. Then he got a big dirty fish and chips from Dooleys. I didnt get anything, mostly because I will never again eat anything in Tramore for as long as I live after the incident.

On Saturday night it was me brudder's 40th birthday party. Oh lads I was feeling rough. It was touch and go like. I was looking fabliss though, if I do say so meseff. It was a great night though but I had to go straight home afterwards cos I was holdin in the puke.

Sunday 4th April

Went up to Mahon Falls today where there was - and this is no joke - a fish and chip van. I'd say he made a fortune! BBB couldnt cope with all the gorgeous scenery. Here is a lovely picture of us up there:

That's one for the mantelpiece anyway.

We went back to the house then, knackered and starving, to a lovely turkey and ham dinner. Well, I say "turkey and ham dinner", but what I really mean is "brown sauce dinner". I introduced BBB to the joys of brown sauce. He was suitably impressed. We relaxed then at home for the day with two mental kids running around and all my family. It was lovely to be all together. Or nearly all together as the case may be cos my sister Laura wasn't there.

We booked our tickets on the train the next day and got ready to hit the road once again after a lovely few days at home. I had the best time. I really needed to get home even if it was only for a flying visit. BBB did so great with my family, I was so proud to have him as me fella. We spent the next few days in Dublin, but shur ye can read about that on Monday.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Piss off - I'm on me holidays!

Well lads! As ye all know I'm on my lovely holidays in Ireland so if ye came here looking for the usual Monday post ye can piss off - but piss back on Thursday when I'll post it as soon as I get home!

In the meantime, if it's entertainment you're after you might as well have a gawk here, here, or perhaps even here. Think that might cover a bit if something for everyone.

If these don't tickle your fancy though, and you would rather get sucked into a puzzle vortex that will keep you busy until Thursday (and beyond)- here you go! I guarantee you will be losing sleep over where the calipers are. Don't even get me started on the sextant!

I'm having a lovely time on me holidays - BBB is still alive, which is a good sign. Hope ye are all having a good week. Until Thursday lads!

Christian! ('Slater)